Camels and Cameras
by Iffy Jr
Summary: Tony/Loki. 1/10 in the CASHMBHGIF series and yes that does actually stand for something . "Is bringing Loki to his publicity event at the Phoenix Zoo a bad idea? Probably. Does Tony care? Not as much as he should. But who would when the whole adventure involves all of sex, ice cream, camels, and cameras?" COMPLETE.


A/N's: This is just a (according to Word) 10 page drabble I wrote when I was stuck on the more current story I'm writing, just for something to do. I started it when my friend was over, and she was playing this game on her computer and was freaking out because she wasn't able to buy a camel… So I made the mistake of asking her what she thinks I should write, and she proceeded to tell me that Tony and Loki should buy a camel. Of course I rejected the idea completely, but then she actually made it into a story! They go to a zoo and Loki gets spit on by a camel. Since it's just a silly little drabble I thought, why the hell not? So, my dedicated readers, this is what I've come up with, and I hope you enjoy it! ^-^

_Edit_: I've decided that I'm going to turn this into a series! Just a lot of short little fics made for the fluff of it and the humor in life, of course ^-^ There are going to be 10 of them, and I already have all of the titles ready and everything! And because I love you guys, I'm going to list them so you can watch out for it if you so choose:  
**1**. _Camels and Cameras_ (this one, in which Tony takes Loki to the zoo)  
**2**. _Aunt Hill and Ant Hills_ (the next one, in which Loki pulls a prank on the birthday girl)  
**3**. _Sharks and Shakes_ (in which Tony takes Loki to the aquarium)  
**4**. _Hot Dogs and Hot Rods_ (in which Tony takes Loki to Disneyland)  
**5**. _Moonpies and Movie Stars_ (in which I've stolen the title of a book that I will be sure to give credit too and Tony takes Loki to the movie theater)  
**6**. _Beers and Beaches_ (in which Tony, Loki, the other Avengers, and a lot of S.H.I.E.L.D. members have a beach party)  
**7**. _Hiking and Hawkeye's_ (in which Tony takes Loki hiking and it gets turned against him)  
**8**. _Gallops and Gargoyles_ (in which Tony meets Loki's children and some of his friends up in Asgard)  
**9**. _Inkpads and Indians_ (in which Tony and Loki have a stamping war before ending up in 1855 and no they definitely are not in the pack of Indians that chase Marty in the time machine no siree)  
**10**. _Flowers and Falling_ (in which Loki buys Tony flowers and after all of this time Tony has fallen in love and proposes to Loki while skydiving-no I do not care that Tony has a flying suit and Loki is a god. Shut up and enjoy it!)  
Right now I'm just working on the second one, and the series is to be referred to as the _CASHMBHGIF series_, which actually stands for something, yes: Come And See How My Brain Has Gone Insane Forever. Obviously I just pushed the letters together of all the fics, but then I came up with the acronym after that! Yes, brilliant, I know (/sarcasm). Anyway, I'm calling it Cash Gif for short b/c of reasons that I'm sure are not too terribly difficult to figure out. Aaaand that's that! Enjoy!

* * *

**Disclaimer**: None of the characters in this story are mine. They strictly belong to Marvel and whoever else has helped create the Avengers or the characters of Asgard.

**Full Summary**: Tony/Loki. No. 1 of 10 in the CASHMBHGIF series. "Tony is in Phoenix, Arizona for a publicity event run by Pepper. His job? Go to the Phoenix Zoo. Of course he doesn't _want_ to go, but he knows he has to. When his not-but-might-as-well-be boyfriend pops in, though, will the adventure be any more fun than it would be alone?" COMPLETE.

**Pairing**: (Main) Tony/Loki, (Minor) Clint/Natasha  
**Status**: Complete  
**Rating**: M  
**Warning**: slash, m/m pairing, smut, strong language

* * *

**Camels and Cameras**

Tony wakes with a painful groan, his alarm pulling him from sleep. "No, no, no," he chants over and over again, burying his head underneath his pillow and pulling the blankets up farther. "Jarvis, I don't want to gooo…"

"But you must, sir," his AI chides. "It's for the press. Miss Potts ordered it."

"I don't caaare. I just want to sleep!"

"But sleep is so boring, don't you think?"

Tony is sitting up a lot faster than healthy. That wasn't Jarvis that spoke. It's a very different voice…one that Tony knows all too well.

"Damn," he mutters. "Jay, lights."

The lights flicker on right away to show Loki standing at Tony's door, leaning against it with arms crossed and one knee bent so that his foot is resting against the wood.

"Not you again," Tony jokes, pushing his fingers through his hair. "I just got rid of you last week."

"Yes, and you still haven't told a soul about me. Tell me, did you delete what Jarvis caught of your bedroom surveillance, or do you watch it when you're alone?"

Tony rolls his eyes before dragging his hands down his face. "Maybe once or twice. Would you like me to delete it?"

"No." Loki is suddenly at his bedside, crawling up and into his lap, legs straddling his waist. "No, I don't care if you keep it or not. What I want is for you to have one that's even better so you _want_ to delete it and just watch the new one."

Tony smirks up at him, leaning back on his hands. "I don't know, that last one was pretty good. Wanna watch it with me before it goes?"

"Not entirely," Loki whispers, leaning forward until Tony is on his back with nowhere to go. "I'd rather just…get on with it."

"Well I'd love to, but I actually have to go."

"Yes, somewhere you don't want to go _to_."

"Do I ever want to go anywhere?"

Loki smirks. "This is true. Where is Miss Potts sending you _this_ time?"

Tony groans, leaning forward so that he can slick the skin of Loki's neck with his tongue. "The fucking _zoo_."

Loki laughs, wrapping his arms around Tony's neck and arching his neck as the genius billionaire begins to suck on the skin. "I was wondering why I had to come find you here in Phoenix. How mind meltingly _dull_. Wouldn't you rather just stay here with me?"

He bites softly. "Obviously." He bites hard.

Loki lets out a shaky breath above him, quickly turning it into the chuckle. This is the sixth time that Loki has visited him, and they have this little thing going with whoever can hold out the longest. Holding out as in not showing any signs of real pleasure. So far it's Loki, two, and Tony, three. He hopes this will be his fourth.

But without any sort of warning at all, Loki's hand is gripping his cock, his mouth hard on Tony's as he sucks out on his tongue.

And, yeah, now they're at a tie. But Tony doesn't care all that much, because who would while you're getting your tongue sucked on and a hand job at the same time?

The God of Mischief slicks Tony's length with his own precum, rubbing him hard until Tony begins to whimper. Tony whimpers in pain, though, when the Liesmith pulls his hand away, leaning back so that he's sitting up on Tony like the true god that he is.

"Got a present for you," he whispers, tracing a finger around Tony's arc reactor, pulling it out just enough that Tony sits up to have it shoved back in. "I cleaned you out of lubrication last time I was here, did I not?" He produces a medium sized bottle from a pocket, smiling down at Tony almost genuinely. "You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I told her it was for my boyfriend."

Tony rolls his eyes. "Yeah, problem is, we're not _actually_ dating."

"Of course we're not. That's why you haven't slept with a single other person since I first showed up here."

Tony starts to protest, but Loki silences him by putting a finger over his lips. "Silence, Tony Stark. You are mine, and mine alone. Do I make myself clear?"

"Not sure," Tony says, tugging at Loki's clothes. "Do you?"

Out of Loki's throat rips a feral growl, and with a snap of his fingers his clothes are gone. Tony was already naked, seeing as though he never sleeps with clothes on. He gets too hot, and hey, if Loki shows up, might as well get straight to the point.

"_Mine_," he growls, squirting lube into his hand and slicking Tony's length. The genius billionaire moans at the touch, arching his neck back, knowing what's coming next. Loki's such a dominant lover. Only the fourth time was Tony able to convince him to let Tony take care of him instead of the god pounding into Tony. He must have liked it, too, because Tony got to do it the fifth time as well.

Tony knows that Loki likes getting straight to the point even more so than he does, so he usually just stretches himself with his magic. He does that this time before looking Tony straight in the eyes and shifting around until Tony's cockhead is pressed against his entrance, slick with lube and hard and hot with need.

And without any sort of warning at all he pushes down onto Tony, pushing and pushing until Tony is buried inside of the man to the hilt, his neck arching back in pleasure. Loki grins down at him, his hands wiping the excess lube on the sheets before they reach down to rest against Tony's chest on either sides of his arc reactor. He stares Tony deep in the eyes as he moves his hips, pumping up and down and swiveling side to side on Tony's cock, causing his hands to grip tightly into the sheets and eyes squeeze even tighter shut.

Alright, so maybe he didn't know what was going to happen. He thought that Loki was going to let him call the shots, but not so much. He may be the one with the dominant cock, but Loki is the one with the dominant body.

"Hear me, Stark?" Loki growls, Tony's eyes still shut and neck still arched and sheets still tight in his grasp. He switches his rhythm every few minutes, hitting his own prostate in a different way each time. "You are mine, Tony. All mine. You know I will kill any that try to take you, any that you try to take in return. _Mine_."

"_Gods_," Tony moans (because he knows that there are gods, now, and more than one), forcing his eyes to open to look at the coupling between them. To watch his cock slide in and out of Loki's cavern, slick and hot and hard. "Only yours. Always."

Loki growls in approval, keeping on with his swiveling. And Tony can't help but notice the gods own manhood bouncing hard and pink and untouched. And even in the pleasure Tony manages to make himself reach out and take it, issuing a hiss from between Loki's lips. Tony handles him in tune with his thrusts and swivels, both men moaning and groaning as their sweat covered bodies build in passion.

And then they're both there, both together, at the same time, climaxing like nothing else. Tony releases inside of Loki's cavern, and Loki comes out over Tony's hand and on his chest and all over the sheets in wild spurts.

Loki collapses onto Tony with one last moan, pulling his hips up until Tony comes out of him with a soft pop.

"Gods," Loki says, pressing his lips against Tony's jugular. "I should invite you up to Asgard one of these days. The air is different in my realm; it heightens everything."

"Really?" Tony asks, pushing Loki's mouth away so that he can kiss him on the lips. "What would your brother say? And anybody else who may…see us."

Loki shrugs. "Doesn't matter if they _don't_ see us, does it? Now, about your problem of needing to go out… Skip it. We'll stay here all day, and we can make fun of Steve when he comes by to get you for lunch like he does every day."

Tony chuckles. "It's a miracle he hasn't found out yet, you know. He's been able to break in sometimes…"

"Not while I'm around. Even if he did get in he wouldn't see me. I'm a magician, after all. Now, tell me you'll stay with me."

Tony sighs, kissing the taller man again. "I can't, Lo'. You know that. Pepper will have my head." He pulls his body hard against him.

"Head? _Head_?" Loki's fingers ghost across the head of Tony's cock. "I certainly hope not. That's mine." He releases Tony's cock, still sated, and traces his fingers down the side of Tony's face. "Tell me, Tony. Tell me you'll stay with me."

"Loki, I can't stay. I know you know that."

"Don't make me beg, Stark… I know you don't like me when I'm angry."

"Oh shush, you're not as terrifying as you wish you were. Just a prankster that needs a good kiss." He kisses him hard, a smile on his lips.

Loki mutters unintelligibly, pushing away from Tony. "No, no, no, I _am _scary. Don't make me show you."

"Don't make me kiss you again."

"You say that like it will be a bad thing."

"Hey, I have an idea!"

Loki bursts into laughter. "No. Absolutely not. I would rather tell Pepper that you and I have been fucking for the last month."

"Oh, come now, it could be fun! You disguise yourself as someone else entirely so we're not taken in for questions—a woman, maybe—and we parade through the zoo answering interviewers questions and I'll sign autographs and all that jazz."

Loki laughs again, rolling off of Tony and swinging his legs to hang off the edge of the bed. "You wish, Stark." He pushes his fingers through his hair before simply straightening it out, lying it flat against his head and neck before looking back at Tony with a warm smile. "I hate human children even more than you do, and the zoo is filled with them. I'm not coming."

"Well I'm not going to cancel it for you," Tony says, sitting up as well.

"Then I suppose I'll see you later, shall I?"

Loki starts to stand, but Tony can't help but reach out and grab his hand to stop him.

The god turns around, a somewhat angry look on his face that melts away as soon as his eyes meet Tony's.

"Pleeease?" Tony says, pulling him back down onto the bed. "I'll buy you something niiiice."

Loki scoffs. "Like there's anything I can't simply steal away if I want it."

"Well, I don't know, there's always the sex—"

"That I get anyway."

"—and ice cream. Bet you never thought of that, did you? Cold and full of sugar? Everybody likes ice cream."

Loki snorts. "Sex and ice cream? That's what you bribe me with?"

Tony nods. "Did it work?"

Loki stares at him for thirty entire seconds before sighing like it's the end of the world. "You owe me a lot more than sex and ice cream, young man."

"Young man? I don't care _if_ you're over two-thousand years old, my body is far older than yours."

"Oh yes, I've noticed. I can't wait to bring you to Asgard. You'll be just like your old self again."

Tony rolls his eyes. "So you're coming with me?"

"Correct. But I will not disguise myself in any sort of new body."

"Honestly? You're a wanted man, Loki. You escaped from your realm and discarded your muzzle. It's a miracle I haven't turned you in yet myself."

"Miracle? No. The miracle is that you've yet to grow tired of me. You've never had someone more than once."

Tony smirks. "What can I say? I like you. You have the body of a god and a sex drive to rival mine, which is definitely saying something."

Loki spins around and crawls back on top of Tony, his cock pressing hard against the middle of his stomach and his ass grinding into Tony's own cock. They're both getting hard again, but Tony doesn't have time for this. He's already late enough.

Good lord, who ever thought they'd hear Tony saying he doesn't have time for sex? It's a good thing it's just him up in his mind, or he'd be in big trouble. Dammit, Pepper is going to destroy him…

"I have an idea," Tony says. "You magic us all clean and dressed and then teleport us right outside of the zoo. That way Pepper doesn't kill me for being late, because I happen to have ten minutes before she told me to be there…"

Loki laughs. "And what will I receive in return for _that_?"

"I don't know, a visit to the penguins? You'd like them; they're always in the cold and look like they're wearing suits. Or maybe the peacocks. Beautiful blue and green birds with—"

"I am familiar with Midgardian animals, Tony. Get out of the bed so that I may do as you wish."

They do get out, and with a snap of Loki's fingers they're freshly washed and Tony is freshly shaven and in a very nice suit. And Loki is in a similar suit, his hair pulled back into a tight and formal looking ponytail, a green and gold scarf draped over his shoulders and a cane closely resembling the Tesseract staff in his grasp.

Tony nods. "Yeah, I suppose I should have checked first, but you do realize what a _zoo_ is, right?"

Loki frowns. "Yes. Why are you asking?"

"Because you put us both in really nice suits that are going to be totally destroyed. Have you ever worn jeans before?"

"No, actually."

"Well, there's a first for everything."

He slumps slightly. "Must I?"

"Well _you_ don't, but I'd very much appreciate being in jeans and a t-shirt."

Loki rolls his eyes before snapping his fingers again, and the next thing Tony knows is that he's in his favorite pair of non-holey jeans, a somewhat nice band t-shirt (he hasn't a clue where his Black Sabbath one went off to, which he's very sad about), Converse, and his favorite pair of sunglasses. And, when he looks over at Loki, he practically trips over his own un-moving feet. The god is in a pair of baggy grey sweats with his hands shoved into the pockets, a plain green t-shirt, and skater shoes. His ponytail is gone, his hair simply flowing around his face.

Tony snorts. "You look like one hot fuckin' teenager. Come on, we're going to be late."

Loki rolls his eyes before putting a hand on Tony's shoulder, and Tony feels the squeezing sensation all around him that he's all too familiar with (Loki's made sure he wasn't late to a lot of things lately, but this is the first time that he's actually coming with him). They appear right on the outside of the Phoenix Zoo, and Pepper all but has a heart attack when she sees them.

"You're on time!" she says, smiling brightly at him. "Lord Almighty, you're _early_. And you're…" She trails off, looking up at Loki. "You're not serious."

"Don't knock it till you try it, Pep," Tony says, pushing his sunglasses down just far enough to wink at her. "Now, where do I go from here?"

Without a word she points to the entrance. "I already got your ticket, but…I didn't get one for him."

"That's fine," Loki says, grabbing Tony's sunglasses out of his hand. "See you in there?" he says, winking before putting them on. And he's gone.

Tony chuckles, reaching back to take Pepper's hand. "Come on, Pep. The reporters are waiting for us."

They walk inside, handing their tickets to the ticket taker (who Tony does a quick autograph signing for) before walking inside. And Loki appears beside him, sunglasses completely blocking out his eyes.

"Alright, what happens first?" Tony asks, smiling over at Pepper. "Interviews, autographs, or—"

"Free time," she says, slipping her hand from Tony's grasp. "You have forty-five minutes to become familiar with the zoo. That way, when you need to hide, you have an idea of where to go."

"But what about all the tourists?" Tony asks. "We can't exactly _hide_ from them like we can the reporters."

"Oh no, they know. Forgive the children that escape from their mother and fathers, though. Anyway, go. You have forty-three minutes left."

"Oh good," Tony says, linking his arm with Loki's. "I love it when people can see but can't speak. Come along, little god. I want to see the elephants."

Loki grumbles beside him about being called _little_, but Tony ignores him.

**XxX**

_Thirty minutes later…_

"Do mine eyes deceive me?" Tony says, pushing his sunglasses down to the tip of his nose. He got them back from Loki about ten minutes in to his free time. "Is my little God of Mischief actually having some _fun_?"

Loki wrinkles his nose up. "_Your_ little God of Mischief? On the contrary. He has just simply thought up a simple prank. Do you think if I let out the elephants we saw earlier they would stampede anybody?"

"I'm not sure. Are you _trying_ to kill people?"

"I'm _always_ trying to kill people, Stark."

"Then yes, they will."

Loki smirks, taking the last bite of the ice cream bar that Tony bought for him. "How did you _possibly_ know I wasn't actually trying to kill people so you gave me the answer I _didn't_ want to hear?"

"I know you better than you think," Tony says, taking the trash and dropping it into the trashcan beside them. "You talk in your sleep, you know that?"

He snorts. "I do not."

"Yeah, you keep tellin' yourself that, sweetheart. Come on, the camels are over here."

"Why on _earth_ would I want to see a _camel_?"

"Because we're going to see all of the animals. Hurry up now, there's a band of tourists coming this way and I want to avoid them completely."

They wind their way around the long way to the camels, and Tony can't help but smile at the fact that one of the two there is standing but a few feet from the fence.

"Oh, brilliant," he says, pulling a bag of peanuts out of his pocket that he had Loki knick for him at one of the first consignment stands (that's him, Tony Stark, here for the people and stealing from the people. Good thing he's big into charities or he'd feel bad. Okay so he wouldn't feel bad, but still). "I knew I bought these for a reason."

"_Bought_," Loki scoffs, leaning against the fence.

"Oh, you know you love me," Tony says with a smirk, tossing a couple at the camel so it looks over at them before leaning against the fence as well. "You know, it's kind of sad that they have the one with one hump roped off from the one with two, don't you think?"

"Oh, I don't think it deserves to be with anyone else anyway," Loki says, looking at his nails. "It's even uglier than you are."

And at the precise moment, as if by some small miracle, the camel spits. And this spit, by some very large miracle, splats right into Loki's face.

"OH MY GODS!" he screeches, flinging himself backwards, his hands flying to his face. "Fucking Odin, my own pranking skill has been used against me!"

And as he keeps cursing, wiping goopy camel saliva off of his face, Tony is literally lying on the concrete of the zoo, tears spilling from his eyes as he laughs.

"Tony!" he yells, saliva dripping off of his fingertips. "This is not _funny_!"

Tony just keeps laughing.

Loki groans, bending down to wipe the spit onto Tony's pants, muttering to himself about _disgusting_ and _humiliating_ and _never being roped into something like this again_.

When Tony finally stops laughing, he pushes Loki away from him. "And _this_," he says, wiping tears from his eyes with his sleeves, "is why I didn't wear a suit."

Loki growls at him and stands. "It wasn't funny."

"Yes it was," Tony says, holding his hand up to the god—who automatically pulls Tony up from his spot on the concrete. "You know it was." They dust each other off, and Tony rights his sunglasses that he took off to wipe his eyes.

"It was _not_," Loki mutters, crossing his arms.

"You know you look even more like a teenager when you do that, right?"

Loki smirks and pushes Tony back on the ground. "Ha," he says. "You're all dusty again."

Tony snorts. "Yeah, your greatest prank yet. Now help me back up."

When Loki takes his outstretched hand, Tony pulls him down so that he lands on the ground beside him. "Ha," he says, sticking his tongue out at Loki, their faces all but an inch apart. "Two can play at this game."

Loki leans forward and kisses him.

And instantly, the only thing Tony can hear is the flash of cameras and the asking of questions.

"Damn," he says, looking at the crowd of reporters. "I told you that you should have disguised yourself."

Loki purses his lips, pulling Tony up as well as he stands. "Do you think your Pepper would be angry at us if we simply left?" he asks quietly.

"Fuming," Tony says, smiling and waving at a camera. "So we should at least wave to her before we leave."

"She's on the far right."

When Tony spots her, he does exactly that. He waves.

Her answer, though, is to drop her head in her hands. Of course she saw what happened. Who didn't? And with her not looking, Loki grips tightly onto Tony's hand before they disappear from the zoo entirely, appearing back at Tony's hotel room.

**XxX**

_The next morning…_

The day before, Loki had packed all of Tony's things with a snap of his fingers before snapping them again to take him, Tony, and those things back into the Avenger's Mansion. Then, after a long kiss, he popped away, giving the rest of the day to Tony, who proceeded to take a five hour long nap before staying up all night working on a project in the basement workshop.

Now, without ever going to bed, he's sitting at the kitchen table with an entire pot of coffee and three donuts sitting in front of him. The newspaper is in his hands, and he's already read over the front page.

It was him and Loki, of course, Loki with his hand on Tony's leg (wiping the spit off, but you can't tell in the picture) and Tony laughing on the ground with his glasses slipping off of his face.

It's somewhat peaceful at six in the morning, but he knows it won't last for long, because the only ones who don't get up before at least eight every morning are Bruce and Tony.

"You have got to be kidding me, Stark," Natasha says, strutting into the kitchen with the same newspaper in hand. "_Loki_? It doesn't _matter_ that he's left earth alone for the last six months since he's escaped from Asgard; he is still in our top five of the hit list! How could you _possibly_ think of hanging out with him like you're best buddies?"

Tony shrugs, folding up his paper. He doesn't like reading the news, anyway, so he just downs half of the coffee before taking a bite of one of the donuts, Natasha glaring at him the whole time. "I'm a guy, Nat," he says. "I don't see why it's so hard to figure out."

Natasha looks like she's about to throw up, but before she can say anything, Clint pokes his head in. "Did I hear that right? Tony Stark is sleeping with the villain again?"

Tony smirks, waving a donut at him. "You're just jealous you're not getting laid like I am."

"TOOONNYYYYY!"

Tony actually cringes now. That's Steve. He doesn't like it when Steve is angry at him. Nothing good happens when Steve is on his case…

When Steve walks in, he has a completely different newspaper in his hands than the one Tony and Natasha saw. But of course the picture on the front page is different than the other one. This one has captured, if not perfectly, the _exact_ moment that Loki is flinging himself backwards from being spat on by the camel, not to mention Tony first bending his knees to roll onto the ground.

"Wow," he says at the paper that Steve is holding out to him. "That's actually a really good shot."

Steve crumbles the newspaper entirely. "Loki. _Loki_? You are impossible. If I catch this ever happening again I will personally lock you in your room with the new teleportation-jamming device you're working on so your _boyfriend_ can't come and rescue you. Am I clear?"

Tony takes another bite of donut. "Clear as crystal, Cap."

And with that, Steve stomps out.

"Wow," Clint says. "If I knew Nat would punch me in the face I'd say he looks even more attractive than usual with camel spit in his eyes."

Natasha really is about to punch him, but before she can there's a light pop and a slight shimmer that comes from behind Tony, and it's a sound and sight combination that he knows all too well. And even if he didn't know it as well, the looks that show up on Clint and Natasha's faces as they slam themselves against the wall is indication enough.

"More attractive with saliva on my face, _am I_, foolish mortal?" Loki growls from behind Tony.

"Oh, give it a rest, Rock of Ages," Tony says, flitting his wrist before picking up the coffee pitcher. "Have some caffeine."

Loki takes it without a word, stepping up behind Tony and guzzling the whole thing.

"I didn't mean you could have it _all_," Tony grumbles, snatching it back from him.

Loki ignores him. "Tonyyy…" he whines, producing a magazine from nowhere. "I look _terrible_ in this picture of us…"

He leans over Tony's shoulder and sets it down on the table, pointing to the picture of him and Tony blatantly tongue-fucking each other's mouths in the middle of the Phoenix Zoo.

"Nonsense," Tony says, holding up the last donut. "You're beautiful."

"Promise?" Loki asks, taking a bite without taking it out of Tony's hands.

"Of course."

Loki smiles toothlessly at him, mouth full of fried bread, and kisses him on the cheek.

"Ahem," Natasha coughs.

Tony and Loki look up from each other and the magazine and the donut to see that a new soul has joined their party: Bruce.

"Hi," Tony says with a smile, wiggling the donut just enough that Loki notices and takes another bite. "You're up early."

"I got a text from Clint," Bruce says, yawning and wiping at one of his eyes for sleepies. "Something about you and…and Loki being on the front page of basically everything."

"Correct. He came with me to the zoo yesterday."

"Oh, was that yesterday?" He slumps into a chair, reaching over and snagging the rest of the donut from Tony's hand. "I thought that wasn't until next week." He eats it whole.

If it were anybody else, Loki would have instantly begun to make their life miserable. But this is Bruce—this is the Hulk—and after the little rough-and-tumble he and Loki had up in Tony's tower…well, he's scared of the guy. So instead of doing anything terrible to Bruce, Loki simple snaps his fingers to refill the coffee pitcher before he pushes it over to him. "To wash it down?" he suggests cautiously.

And then Natasha can't stop laughing, and it's so hard that she's leaning on Clint for support. And Clint is about to fall over as well with laughter, but he manages to stay up for his not-girlfriend.

"Everybody hates me," Loki mutters.

"Oh come now," Tony says, turning to him completely. "Thor doesn't hate you, and I certainly don't."

"Oh? _You_ don't?"

"Of course not. If I hated you, I certainly wouldn't be sleeping with you." He leans up and kisses him. When he pulls away, though, the room is silent and simply staring at them.

"Don't give us that look," Loki says, standing upright. He seems to fill up the entire room, him and his leather and his big ass Tesseract staff. At least he doesn't have his helmet on. Then, specifically to Clint and Natasha, he says, "You're just jealous."

Both master assassins burst into laughter again, clinging to each other as spasms of air rip through their systems. And a moment later they've ended up sliding down to the ground, both silent, just staring at each other.

"Oh get _on_ with it!" Loki yells.

And they do.

"Yes, Loki, thank you very much," Bruce says tiredly, taking another swig of coffee. "Now we have a mass of writhing bodies on the floor that can at any moment explode into a war."

Loki shrugs, bending down to kiss Tony again. "It was my pleasure, Dr. Banner," he says with a little bow. "I hope you liked Tony's coffee and the donut with, not Tony's, but _my_ bites all over it before you took it." He looks down at Tony. "Have a nice day, babe." And he's gone.

That's when Steve walks in again, looking incredulously around the room. There are two master assassins competing for dominance on the linoleum floor, a cute little doctor banging his head against the table as he tries and succeeds to calm himself down, and Tony Stark in a chair with a boner the size of Steve's shield.

"Did I, uh, miss something?" he asks, walking around the maybe-but-maybe-not happy couple on the floor.

"Camels and cameras, Steve," Tony says, dropping his first newspaper over his lap. "_Camels_ and _cameras_."

And as Steve simply stares at him, Tony grabs and downs the last of the coffee.

"Camels?" he asks, sitting down to pull up Tony's newspaper. "Cameras?"

"Oh yes," Tony says, standing up. "Have a nice morning, Cap!"

As he's walking out of the room, he glances back to see that Steve is picking up the magazine that Loki brought in and left on the table. And right as he starts to sprint down the hall to get away, Steve yelling his name rips through the entire house.

Loki appears beside him, running as well. "Oops," he says cheekily, flinging Tony up in his arms. And they're gone, leaving Steve and the others to themselves.

_**fin**_

* * *

[**Edit**] End A/N's: So hey, I've finished the second one! _Aunt Hill and Ant Hills_, in which Loki pulls pranks on S.H.I.E.L.D., among other things. Just go ahead and look for it on my profile/page whatever you want to call it! ^-^


End file.
